Jason Screeb: the man, the myth, the manic... » Panic Attacks http://www.jasonscreeb.com I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder three years ago, and also suffer from panic attacks. My mind is confusing, interesting, and always unquiet. My perception isn't what one might consider normal, and I've been told my views can be distorted. Picture Seinfeld with a chemical imbalance. This is my release, in a therapeutic way. Being totally anonymous, but completely open... you will find my viewpoints on what I encounter around me. Mon, 10 May 2010 18:03:17 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 en hourly 1 Another panic attack at the office during work http://www.jasonscreeb.com/2010/05/another-panic-attack-at-the-office-during-work/ http://www.jasonscreeb.com/2010/05/another-panic-attack-at-the-office-during-work/#comments Sat, 01 May 2010 18:33:12 +0000 Jason Screeb http://www.jasonscreeb.com/?p=144 Tags: , , ,

Work at the office was highly stressful on Friday, with numerous meetings during the morning in which most of the parties involved were not happy. I spent most of the morning justifying a sensitive position to upper management, and strategically expressing my discontent for decisions that were made for me. After lunch, I was walking in from having a cigarette and felt dizzy in the hallway. Thinking it was only a rare buzz from the nicotine, I returned to my desk which is located in an open environment surrounded by other employees. As I sat down, I feel that familiar out-of-body sensation and difficulty breathing.

I’m fairly experienced with a panic attack in the workplace, previously having several during office meetings. Being a hypochondriac as well, one of the first things I do during an attack is put my two fingers to my neck and feel my pulse.

I don’t actually count my pulse for a minute, I just like to feel if my heart is beating normal or rapidly. Obviously, you don’t want to take your pulse in the middle of the busy office. Instead, I secretly checked my pulse under the desk on my wrist. I’m not sure why this soothes me, perhaps it’s the reassurance that my heart isn’t going to explode and I’m not going to die. My entire body started to sweat, I could feel my dress shirt and slacks sticking to my skin. I stared at my computer screen as though I was actively engaged, and mentally kept telling myself that I was alright and it’ll soon pass.

The thought of getting up and leaving the office did cross my mind, but a panic attack during work isn’t always that easy. The fear of standing up and taking a couple of steps only to pass out isn’t the most thrilling idea. I hide the fact that I suffer from bipolar disorder and panic attacks from my co-workers, from fear of being viewed as sickly or crazy. It sounds stupid, but a person’s perception towards a top-performing employee can change when outside health factors are taken into account. Office politics themselves can be vicious and cut-throat, and ammunition towards me can greatly impact my method of making a living. It terrifies me to have the curse I live with daily exposed, especially since it has no impact on my actual work.

During a panic attack, I mentally go to my own “safe” place in my mind that calms and soothes me. This is really the only way I find relief, especially mentally battling the sensation that you are dying. After about 10 minutes, the attack had faded and I felt great. The calm after a panic attack is comparable to running 3 miles in the park, and experiencing the adrenaline and runner’s high. The entire experience is terrifying, especially within an environment that makes me feel so vulnerable, but the knowledge that the panic attack is over and undetected gives the greatest relief. I wrapped up the rest of the work day, and left early thinking “TGIF” as I reached my car in the parking lot.



]]> http://www.jasonscreeb.com/2010/05/another-panic-attack-at-the-office-during-work/feed/ 5 A night to remember, another panic attack and the feeling of dying. http://www.jasonscreeb.com/2008/03/a-night-to-remember-another-panic-attack-and-the-feeling-of-dying/ http://www.jasonscreeb.com/2008/03/a-night-to-remember-another-panic-attack-and-the-feeling-of-dying/#comments Wed, 05 Mar 2008 02:14:00 +0000 Jason Screeb http://www.jscreeb.com/2008/03/04/a-night-to-remember-another-panic-attack-and-the-feeling-of-dying/ Tags: , , , Let me explain why I take Seroquel, which is a neat little pill that almost knocks you out cold every night before bed. In the past 3 months, I’ve been suffering from panic attacks. Usually, the attacks happen right before bed while I am drifting off to sleep. A panic attack is one of the most horrific experiences, because you think you’re actually dying. Your heart races, and it feels like it is going to explode. All you want to do is just go to sleep, but you’re afraid you won’t wake up. The doctor put me on Seroquel (which is also used to treat Bipolar, a double shot with the Lithium), because it makes you fall asleep quickly.


Every night before bed, I take both a Lithium pill and my Seroquel pill. Unfortunately, I missed my Lithium pill because it was being refilled. Taking just the Seroquel wasn’t good, because it triggered a panic attack. My heart was racing, and I thought I was going to die. I still live at home, and I was almost to the point of waking my father up. That is how bad it can be. Parts of the attack feel like an “out of body” experience, during which I believe I am dying. I tell myself that it will pass, but it lasts for what seems like eternity. It has been a month on Seroquel, and I haven’t had a attack. Last night was the second worse attack I’ve had. I hope I don’t have anymore… but that seems unlikely.

Seroquel
Panic Attacks



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