Jason Screeb: the man, the myth, the manic... » Medication http://www.jasonscreeb.com I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder three years ago, and also suffer from panic attacks. My mind is confusing, interesting, and always unquiet. My perception isn't what one might consider normal, and I've been told my views can be distorted. Picture Seinfeld with a chemical imbalance. This is my release, in a therapeutic way. Being totally anonymous, but completely open... you will find my viewpoints on what I encounter around me. Mon, 10 May 2010 18:03:17 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 Hallucinations, a reaction to medication or my mind? http://www.jasonscreeb.com/2008/04/hallucinations-a-reaction-to-medication-or-my-mind/ http://www.jasonscreeb.com/2008/04/hallucinations-a-reaction-to-medication-or-my-mind/#comments Tue, 08 Apr 2008 03:25:52 +0000 Jason Screeb http://www.jscreeb.com/?p=111 Tags: , , Am I hallucinating from the bipolar medication I am on, or am I just hallucinating? This is the question I asked myself as I observed the soda drop from the machine. In a typical office morning ritual, I was getting my caffeine buzz to wake up from the effects of the Seroquel that knocks me out at night. As I pushed the button, it was a slow motion flash that went through my mind. The soda can appeared almost surreal, and my thought were of the 1700′s and 1800′s. Would people of that era be amazed at a feat like this? Simply inserting a piece of paper into a mechanism, which results in a good being produced. Think of what people of that time had to do to get a simple good? Most products were made at home, with far more exertion and effort on part of the consumer. I bet in their wildest dreams, they would have never thought this possible. Let alone operating a machine to download “Amateur Anal Attempts 8″, in order to fulfill a sick and twisted fantasy in the midnight hours. It was a trance that I was thrown into, and all of these thoughts ran though my head in the matter of seconds. As I walked away from the soda machine, I thought of how odd the experience was.


Now it is 6:00 pm, and I’m waiting for my sub to be made at Wawa. It’s taking forever, and the pimply faced teenagers are behind the counter rushing to make order #13 (how unlucky, ironically it gave me indigestion too). I snapped into a trance, and just pictured the teenagers and what they were really about. Full of germs, leaning over the macaroni and sliced meat. The 17 year old kid whose face looked like it was attacked by an electric sander was particularly interesting. As he worked, I just stared and pondered about the germs associated with his acne. Essentially, his face was a giant palette of infections. Don’t think I’m cruel, I grew up with acne and feel for his suffering. It is difficult to pull yourself out of bed in the morning, and know that every person who gazes at you observes a face full of imperfection. It wasn’t about his acne, it was more about the hallucinative state of germ awareness I was in. It was as if I was viewing the world through a germ phobics eyes. Next, my attention was turned towards the girl working behind the counter. She obviously has a problem with eating too many shorti’s, or has a thyroid problem. I feel bad for her whenever I stop by, and how she won’t get laid until she reaches her 20′s. Boys her age will definitely hook-up easily, but she would be pushing the limits. I imagined the sweat and slew of germs that were brewing underneath her sweaty teeshirt. In this incredible state of bewilderment, everything I saw was what I don’t usually pay attention to. I wasn’t viewing these people as humans, but rather as animals through the glass at the zoo. Suddenly he called out “Number 13″, and I snapped back into reality and headed for the door with my unlucky toasted sub.


]]> http://www.jasonscreeb.com/2008/04/hallucinations-a-reaction-to-medication-or-my-mind/feed/ 25 A night to remember, another panic attack and the feeling of dying. http://www.jasonscreeb.com/2008/03/a-night-to-remember-another-panic-attack-and-the-feeling-of-dying/ http://www.jasonscreeb.com/2008/03/a-night-to-remember-another-panic-attack-and-the-feeling-of-dying/#comments Wed, 05 Mar 2008 02:14:00 +0000 Jason Screeb http://www.jscreeb.com/2008/03/04/a-night-to-remember-another-panic-attack-and-the-feeling-of-dying/ Tags: , , , Let me explain why I take Seroquel, which is a neat little pill that almost knocks you out cold every night before bed. In the past 3 months, I’ve been suffering from panic attacks. Usually, the attacks happen right before bed while I am drifting off to sleep. A panic attack is one of the most horrific experiences, because you think you’re actually dying. Your heart races, and it feels like it is going to explode. All you want to do is just go to sleep, but you’re afraid you won’t wake up. The doctor put me on Seroquel (which is also used to treat Bipolar, a double shot with the Lithium), because it makes you fall asleep quickly.


Every night before bed, I take both a Lithium pill and my Seroquel pill. Unfortunately, I missed my Lithium pill because it was being refilled. Taking just the Seroquel wasn’t good, because it triggered a panic attack. My heart was racing, and I thought I was going to die. I still live at home, and I was almost to the point of waking my father up. That is how bad it can be. Parts of the attack feel like an “out of body” experience, during which I believe I am dying. I tell myself that it will pass, but it lasts for what seems like eternity. It has been a month on Seroquel, and I haven’t had a attack. Last night was the second worse attack I’ve had. I hope I don’t have anymore… but that seems unlikely.

Seroquel
Panic Attacks



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