Another panic attack at the office during work
Tags: panic attack, hypochondriac, workplace, office
Work at the office was highly stressful on Friday, with numerous meetings during the morning in which most of the parties involved were not happy. I spent most of the morning justifying a sensitive position to upper management, and strategically expressing my discontent for decisions that were made for me. After lunch, I was walking in from having a cigarette and felt dizzy in the hallway. Thinking it was only a rare buzz from the nicotine, I returned to my desk which is located in an open environment surrounded by other employees. As I sat down, I feel that familiar out-of-body sensation and difficulty breathing.
I’m fairly experienced with a panic attack in the workplace, previously having several during office meetings. Being a hypochondriac as well, one of the first things I do during an attack is put my two fingers to my neck and feel my pulse. [...more]
Is Screeb alive, and who is this Obama guy?
Tags: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Election 2008
Thank you to everyone who has sent me messages asking if I was alright, since it has been a while since the last post. To that guy who thought I killed myself, not a chance. The reason for the leave of absence was a severe low, or rather a depressed mental state. I had no motivation to write or blog about anything, and I became even more of a recluse. Many people have told me to have a successful blog, you have to blog every day or even a couple times a day. I really don’t care, and I’m not looking for a successful blog. The reason I write is to get thoughts out of my head and onto paper, as part of my own self-therapy. To those people who write me with their bipolar horror stories, my heart goes out to you. I am far from an expert and don’t always know how I can help, but I will try to answer when I can. For the most part, I am a somewhat unstable person trying to make it through the world myself. The good news is more posts are coming, for I’m out of the depression. It might only be a couple a week, but if you’re a fan of the site, I doubt you’ll mind. [...more]
Hallucinations, a reaction to medication or my mind?
Tags: hallucination, mental illness, medicationAm I hallucinating from the bipolar medication I am on, or am I just hallucinating? This is the question I asked myself as I observed the soda drop from the machine. In a typical office morning ritual, I was getting my caffeine buzz to wake up from the effects of the Seroquel that knocks me out at night. As I pushed the button, it was a slow motion flash that went through my mind. The soda can appeared almost surreal, and my thought were of the 1700′s and 1800′s. Would people of that era be amazed at a feat like this? Simply inserting a piece of paper into a mechanism, which results in a good being produced. Think of what people of that time had to do to get a simple good? Most products were made at home, with far more exertion and effort on part of the consumer. I bet in their wildest dreams, they would have never thought this possible. Let alone operating a machine to download “Amateur Anal Attempts 8″, in order to fulfill a sick and twisted fantasy in the midnight hours. It was a trance that I was thrown into, and all of these thoughts ran though my head in the matter of seconds. As I walked away from the soda machine, I thought of how odd the experience was. [...more]
Happy St. Patricks Day… I don’t go out… ever.
Tags: antisocial, personality, recluse, bipolarHappy St. Patrick’s Day… a day that all of America uses as an excuse to go out and get sloshed. Instead of participating, I spent a quiet night at home. Monday Night Raw was on, and I’m a big fan of John Cena and fake wrestling. Lately, I’ve become a recluse who doesn’t like to go out. I stay at home, follow routines, and rarely hang out with friends anymore. It’s not that I don’t have friends, I received 3 calls to go out tonight for St. Patty’s. This has been going on for nearly a year now, and I enjoy keeping to myself. I often wonder if this personality change is related to my disease. At this point, I intentionally look for women who are “homebodies” and don’t like to go out and party. It’s been 3 weeks or so since things ended with my long-term girlfriend, aka the Promise Ring girl. It was a sudden and unexpected [...more]
Famous bipolar people and genius creativity!
Tags: bipolar, celebrities, famous, creativityWhen I am at work, I have a unique focus where I am “in the zone”. When I leave at the end of the day, it feels like I just got there. I never find myself watching the clock, and I love my job. The work that I do is my only priority, and you won’t find me wandering around the water cooler. Different supervisors and co-workers have commented on how I do a great job of getting my work done. I feel this can be contributed to being Bipolar, because for some reason the focus is beyond normal. Creativity also accompanies the focus, and I am always going “outside-the-box” with new ideas. I’m not trying to toot my own horn, I am just trying to make a point. Take a look at some of the famous/successful people who are bipolar. [...more]
