Jason Screeb: the man, the myth, the manic... » Antisocial http://www.jasonscreeb.com I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder three years ago, and also suffer from panic attacks. My mind is confusing, interesting, and always unquiet. My perception isn't what one might consider normal, and I've been told my views can be distorted. Picture Seinfeld with a chemical imbalance. This is my release, in a therapeutic way. Being totally anonymous, but completely open... you will find my viewpoints on what I encounter around me. Mon, 10 May 2010 18:03:17 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 Happy St. Patricks Day… I don’t go out… ever. http://www.jasonscreeb.com/2008/03/happy-st-patricks-day-i-dont-go-out-ever/ http://www.jasonscreeb.com/2008/03/happy-st-patricks-day-i-dont-go-out-ever/#comments Tue, 18 Mar 2008 03:33:00 +0000 Jason Screeb http://www.jscreeb.com/2008/03/17/happy-st-patricks-day-i-dont-go-out-ever/ Tags: , , , Happy St. Patrick’s Day… a day that all of America uses as an excuse to go out and get sloshed. Instead of participating, I spent a quiet night at home. Monday Night Raw was on, and I’m a big fan of John Cena and fake wrestling. Lately, I’ve become a recluse who doesn’t like to go out. I stay at home, follow routines, and rarely hang out with friends anymore. It’s not that I don’t have friends, I received 3 calls to go out tonight for St. Patty’s. This has been going on for nearly a year now, and I enjoy keeping to myself. I often wonder if this personality change is related to my disease. At this point, I intentionally look for women who are “homebodies” and don’t like to go out and party. It’s been 3 weeks or so since things ended with my long-term girlfriend, aka the Promise Ring girl. It was a sudden and unexpected “mutual” break-up, and the reason was a lack of energy in the relationship. Could the lack of energy have been from a lack of sex? At this point we can only speculate. I do blame myself for the end, and miss her terribly.


After it ended, I wasn’t as upset as I would have thought. Usually, after the end of a relationship it takes a month or more until I’m back to normal. With the end of this relationship, it only took 2 days. The break-up was initiated on her side, for I would have stuck it out and seen if it would have gotten better. In relationships, I find myself fighting to make it work to the bitter end. A mutual friend of ours told me that she didn’t think the timing was right. How come women always think the timing is off? Is that even really a reason, or just an excuse? Now I am moving on, and not sure where I will go. Being together for such a long time isn’t easy to get over, for you feel very comfortable with that person. This is especially true for a guy who doesn’t like to go out, and structures his life by routines.

So where do I want to be? I would like to have someone around, I miss the feeling of love and support. On the other hand, it is very difficult for me to trust and open up to another person. The bipolar factor doesn’t help, for I don’t want to just spring a bomb on the person. “Surprise! Now that you care about me, I want to let you know I have a mental disease that can be passed onto our children that we may conceive in the future! Why are you scared?” I’m not even sure if I would want children because of that factor.

Are there any women out there who are interested in a guy who likes to stay at home, do the same thing every day, and occasionally go out on the weekends? My father does the same thing, but he’s also 57 years old. I see myself being single for life, but not in a bachelor sense with hooking up all the time. Change is difficult for me, for I find sanity in the comforts of routine and knowing what will happen next. Sorry if I brought you down with this post, but your probably wasted anyway… Happy St. Patty’s Day!


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